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debjen1975
My husbands family really annoy me with some of their behaviour, particularly at the dinner table. I don't think I expect too much but it really upsets me when they:
1. Do not wash their hands before preparing food.
2. Use their hands instead of the utensils when taking food from the centre of the table.
3. Cut open bread rolls straight on the table (scratching it), instead of on their plate.
4. Spill food and drinks every single time.
5. Chip crystal glasses by clinking them together too hard.
6. Allow their children to sit on their feet at the table, hence scratching our leather chairs with their shoes.
My husband and I have discussed it and he agrees for the most part that this behaviour is not ok. But, he is hesitant to bring it up, for fear of making them feel unwelcome or uncomfortable. I told him that he should be the one to say something as it is his family, and I offered to address any issues he has with my family.
Can anyone offer any good advice please?
Answer
Do they behave this way in their own homes? If not, they may be deliberately annoying you and there may not be much you can do. If so, they may truly not know better and may need gentle guidance. As you proceed to wash your own hands before preparing food, have a guest towel handy and hand it to whoever is getting ready to help you with a sweet smile and a subtle comment such as: "here is a towel for you to dry with after you wash your hands". If you are seated far enough away when one of them reaches for food with their hands rather than utensils and can pull this off legitimately, you can try sounding very embarrassed and say..."oh! I'm so sorry, did I forget the serving spoon for the potatoes?"and begin to rise from your chair to go get one. As to cutting bread and rolls directly on table, try using bread and butter plates at each place setting and just before everyone begins to eat, gently say, "the little round plates are for the bread tonight". I have no idea how to prevent food and beverage spills other than to perhaps use a plastic tablecloth under your regular one to protect the table. Chipped crystal? Use cheap, sturdier glassware when they visit. As for how the children sit, if they are too short to reach the table comfortably without their feet under them, place cushions on the chairs and indicate they are to help them sit higher so they don't need to put their feet under them. You may have to make these changes gradually, one at a time so as not to overwhelm them.
Do they behave this way in their own homes? If not, they may be deliberately annoying you and there may not be much you can do. If so, they may truly not know better and may need gentle guidance. As you proceed to wash your own hands before preparing food, have a guest towel handy and hand it to whoever is getting ready to help you with a sweet smile and a subtle comment such as: "here is a towel for you to dry with after you wash your hands". If you are seated far enough away when one of them reaches for food with their hands rather than utensils and can pull this off legitimately, you can try sounding very embarrassed and say..."oh! I'm so sorry, did I forget the serving spoon for the potatoes?"and begin to rise from your chair to go get one. As to cutting bread and rolls directly on table, try using bread and butter plates at each place setting and just before everyone begins to eat, gently say, "the little round plates are for the bread tonight". I have no idea how to prevent food and beverage spills other than to perhaps use a plastic tablecloth under your regular one to protect the table. Chipped crystal? Use cheap, sturdier glassware when they visit. As for how the children sit, if they are too short to reach the table comfortably without their feet under them, place cushions on the chairs and indicate they are to help them sit higher so they don't need to put their feet under them. You may have to make these changes gradually, one at a time so as not to overwhelm them.
My sisters and I arer making a dinner for our family. All of us just under 13. How can we make a dinner?
Q. We are making Battered Chicken, salad, soup, chocolate banana cream pie, and rice. Any ideas how we can make this extra special?
Answer
Use the nice dishes and good glassware, cloth napkins (folded nicely) if you have them, candles (and actually light them), some nice mood music (classical, not headbanging stuff), and maybe a fresh flower bouquet picked from outside if you have any or from an obliging neighbor. And then just enjoy watching people eat your delishish meal, and enjoy eating it yourself. Also, I know you have a computer but if you have a printer whichever one of you is better with typing and printing stuff you can make a printed menu to put at each place setting. Below is a site that has menu templates and you download and put in your own meal. There are other sites for free menus as well, just do a little looking. Good luck and bon appétit!
Use the nice dishes and good glassware, cloth napkins (folded nicely) if you have them, candles (and actually light them), some nice mood music (classical, not headbanging stuff), and maybe a fresh flower bouquet picked from outside if you have any or from an obliging neighbor. And then just enjoy watching people eat your delishish meal, and enjoy eating it yourself. Also, I know you have a computer but if you have a printer whichever one of you is better with typing and printing stuff you can make a printed menu to put at each place setting. Below is a site that has menu templates and you download and put in your own meal. There are other sites for free menus as well, just do a little looking. Good luck and bon appétit!
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Title Post: How can I change my inlaws behaviour (particularly etiquette) in my home, without offending them?
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