dinner set yera image
Sad Susie
Ok, guys, help me out here--and girls, too, if you have any input at all!
My wife and I have been together for 5 yeras, married for almost two. I guess I'm not much of a romantic, but she REALLY is. I love her and she's very good to me and keeps me happy and satisfied in many ways (yes, THAT way, too!)
Lately, my wife has been complaining that she feels like the "liitle thoughtful gestures" that she makes towards me and the little things she does for me/us are not being reciprocated. I make sure I get her flowers every couple months, which she says she feels like I do because I think I have to, not because I want to. She wants me to like doing little things for her that make her happy, like planning a date for her and I every couple months, picking up her favorite dessert when I am at the store, surprising her at work with lunch, etc. She also says that it seems like I "hate" to do nice things for her like make dinner or massage her shoulders when I know she's had a rough day, or even just for no reason except that I love her. She does do things like this for me more than I do for her, and I do have a tough time doing nice things unless I can think of something nice she's done for me to warrant me doing something for her. This bothers her and she says it should be unconditional, not a keeping score sort of thing.
Do men really do these things for their wives that often? What do you all consider to be romantic gestures and how often do you do them? Does it seem like it's not from the heart if I am setting reminders in my calendar to get her flowers? I figured flowers once in awhile were enough. What do other guys do, and how often? How do you think of doing things?
Thanks for your help!
-Hopeless "un" romantic
Answer
I'm not a guy, but as a wife of 20 years, I can tell you what my husband does for me that makes me feel loved and special:
* When she's in the kitchen, come up behind her and put your arms around her waist and tell her you love her.
* Find a ritual...bringing her coffee in the morning, fixing her a soda in the afternoon, sharing a glass of wine on the porch in the evening. Something simple but something I miss when he is gone.
* Hold her hand when you go out. This is a big one for me.
* Not always possible to get to the car door before she does, but when you have the chance, jump on over there and grab a kiss before she gets in or out.
* Look her in the eyes and tell her how beautiful she is to you. Reach up and gently push a stray hair from her eyes... even if there isn't one there!
* "Can I get you anything" is a really nice question out of the blue. The answer is usually no, but the gesture is remembered.
* Take a bath together. Don't forget the candles and bubbles. Or, just draw her a bath and give her a kiss and quiet.
* As posted, the notes are pretty special surprises and will bring a smile to any day.
* Flowers are ALWAYS loved and welcome. An orchid costs more initially, but cheaper in the long run because they last a very long time. Make it a ritual to find a new orchid for her when the blossoms begin to fall. (Costco has amazing orchids a couple times a year for less than half and more beautiful than any other retailers.)
* BE AWARE of a new hairdo, dress or shoe. NOTICE when she does something new to make herself feel better. This would mean actually looking at your wife. (I spent years trying to look nice for my H and when we finally got it right, I noticed that he was noticing ME again.)
* When she talks to you, look at her.
* Spoon.
* Always make a point to reach out and touch at least one part of your bodies through the night as you wake. A foot, a hand, a back....
* If she takes any medication or vitamins, check up on her periodically to make sure she is on top of things, or reach for them and bring her the water. It shows her you care.
Asking about regular check-ups, mammograms, etc is something my husband reminds me of and it touches me that he thinks of these for me.
* Kiss her neck.
* Run your fingers through her hair, a light massage on the scalp.
* Brush her hair.
* Rub lotion into her feet and legs before she goes to bed or after the shower.
* Make it important to take pictures of the two of you together, as a couple, now and then.
* Talk about plans for the future. Talk about getting old together, forever. Remind her that she will always be beautiful to you, no matter what.
* Last but certainly not least, make her a card with one of those pictures. Fold a paper in half and tape the pic on front. Copy a song or saying you love inside. Remind her that you love her.
That's just a few of the things my husband does for me that keeps me madly in love with him. These are things that we've grown into over the years and basically had to hit a wall before we figured things out. I spent years wishing that he would be more romantic, but once you say it, it kind of loses its power because then you think he did it because you asked! Your wife is a lucky lady that you are here asking questions like that. Good luck to you.
I'm not a guy, but as a wife of 20 years, I can tell you what my husband does for me that makes me feel loved and special:
* When she's in the kitchen, come up behind her and put your arms around her waist and tell her you love her.
* Find a ritual...bringing her coffee in the morning, fixing her a soda in the afternoon, sharing a glass of wine on the porch in the evening. Something simple but something I miss when he is gone.
* Hold her hand when you go out. This is a big one for me.
* Not always possible to get to the car door before she does, but when you have the chance, jump on over there and grab a kiss before she gets in or out.
* Look her in the eyes and tell her how beautiful she is to you. Reach up and gently push a stray hair from her eyes... even if there isn't one there!
* "Can I get you anything" is a really nice question out of the blue. The answer is usually no, but the gesture is remembered.
* Take a bath together. Don't forget the candles and bubbles. Or, just draw her a bath and give her a kiss and quiet.
* As posted, the notes are pretty special surprises and will bring a smile to any day.
* Flowers are ALWAYS loved and welcome. An orchid costs more initially, but cheaper in the long run because they last a very long time. Make it a ritual to find a new orchid for her when the blossoms begin to fall. (Costco has amazing orchids a couple times a year for less than half and more beautiful than any other retailers.)
* BE AWARE of a new hairdo, dress or shoe. NOTICE when she does something new to make herself feel better. This would mean actually looking at your wife. (I spent years trying to look nice for my H and when we finally got it right, I noticed that he was noticing ME again.)
* When she talks to you, look at her.
* Spoon.
* Always make a point to reach out and touch at least one part of your bodies through the night as you wake. A foot, a hand, a back....
* If she takes any medication or vitamins, check up on her periodically to make sure she is on top of things, or reach for them and bring her the water. It shows her you care.
Asking about regular check-ups, mammograms, etc is something my husband reminds me of and it touches me that he thinks of these for me.
* Kiss her neck.
* Run your fingers through her hair, a light massage on the scalp.
* Brush her hair.
* Rub lotion into her feet and legs before she goes to bed or after the shower.
* Make it important to take pictures of the two of you together, as a couple, now and then.
* Talk about plans for the future. Talk about getting old together, forever. Remind her that she will always be beautiful to you, no matter what.
* Last but certainly not least, make her a card with one of those pictures. Fold a paper in half and tape the pic on front. Copy a song or saying you love inside. Remind her that you love her.
That's just a few of the things my husband does for me that keeps me madly in love with him. These are things that we've grown into over the years and basically had to hit a wall before we figured things out. I spent years wishing that he would be more romantic, but once you say it, it kind of loses its power because then you think he did it because you asked! Your wife is a lucky lady that you are here asking questions like that. Good luck to you.
Problem for v day what do you think?
s.r
Okay I have been with my husband 10 years married for 2 yeras. we have 2 kids, 5 and 4 he works narcotics and I'm a stay at home mom . i'm running around all day so is he . I understand he's tired so am I . I still dress up , he doesn't I still make dinner clean the house and do evrything the same as before. yet I'm not excited for Valentine's Day . I don't care if we go anywher and I'm not flattered about running and getting something for him at the store, what do you think has gone wrong here. is it or daily lives taking over . Thanks for your feedback
Answer
It is something like a set routine and resignation on both your part. V days is not that important - what is important is the feelings - which are missing because of the resigned outlook you have adopted. Just change the mind-set, you are never too old to love, nothing is more important then the two of you and the best moments of our lives are those that we live together. Every thing else will come back. First make and all out attempt by yourself and still if the progress is slow - get outside/professional help. Best of luck.
It is something like a set routine and resignation on both your part. V days is not that important - what is important is the feelings - which are missing because of the resigned outlook you have adopted. Just change the mind-set, you are never too old to love, nothing is more important then the two of you and the best moments of our lives are those that we live together. Every thing else will come back. First make and all out attempt by yourself and still if the progress is slow - get outside/professional help. Best of luck.
Powered by Yahoo! Answers
Title Post: My wife wants more romance....?
Rating: 93% based on 9658 ratings. 4 user reviews.
Author: Unknown
Thanks For Coming To My Blog
Rating: 93% based on 9658 ratings. 4 user reviews.
Author: Unknown
Thanks For Coming To My Blog
No comments:
Post a Comment