Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Odd wordplay recipes anyone?

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wow_bill


Here are some examples, can you come up with any more?

6 or 7 helium filled mylar balloons, a face mask and snorkel, and a tomato cage can be used to build a lunar excursion module.

A bowl of tapioca, a blond wig, and a large bottle of massage oil is all it takes to clone Pamela Anderson. (This one is from Tommy Lee himself. I think it was right after their first divorce.)

With a roller skate, a box of raisins and a match you can make your own hybrid car.

A badge, a beeping wand, and a clipboard is all you need for a good time frisking women at the airport Curbside Security Service.
I'm going to a family wedding this weekend. I think I'll try your pinata recipe.

Here's a couple more ideas I thought of:

A 10 lb. sack of flour wrapped in plastic and salthered in vaseline, latex gloves, hospital gown and surgeon's mask are all you need to teach a birthing reception class for midwives.

A PHd in Philosophy, a paper hat and a RF telephone headset are the essential ingredients for a drive-thru window operator at Sartre-in-the-Box or Carl's (Jung) Jr.



Answer
With only 5 deluxe ant farms, a submarine periscope, and 13 raw steaks
(and you have to fill the ant farms with water that has a little blue dye in it.) and Voila! Your child can look like a one-eyed, underwater alien creature while he waits in the car for you when you're shopping,

Okay, okay, Sorry, I'm just getting the hang of it, let's see...

1 wholeâChupacabra (brainwashed)
1/4 cupâwhole navel oranges
1 tspâchupacabra zest (colored marshmallows may be substituted)
2 cupsâfresh squeezed chickens milk
5 largeâeggplants (unprepared)
1 tbspâdihydrogen monoxide
1/2 tspâTSP
Sneak up on Eggplants so they are totally unprepared, dice and drain and place in a medium saucepan set to 19° kelvin. Peel and eat the oranges. Mix tylenol, barn owl droppings and vanilla extract in a large mixing bowl and whip til frotty, slowly incorporate dry ingredients until stiff peaks form. Thoroughly brainwash chupacabra and let cool in the sun over night for about an hour. Simmer in a pan about half full of kittens for 3 seconds and serve at once.
You've just prepared a delicious dinner for 7 of:
EGGPLANT CHUPACABRA!

Wait, wait too long, I know, I know, that wasn't it. Okay okay...

A paintball gun full of kiwis, an industrial grade meat separator, and any disliked female relative (male relative may be substituted if inverted) and you have a perfect party or picnic substitute for the traditional piñata!

No, no, no Jeez this is a tough one Bill! but I'll get it, here goes...

Forty or fifty pieces of black gum scraped off the sidewalk, a human foot, and a jar of dijonaisse makes hors D'ouvres for a reception of 43!

ALMOST! I've almost got it...wait, was that one right? No. Okay, one more time. Hold on I think I've got it this time...

An 18" x 24" picture frame, some blue construction paper and matching duct tape (18 rolls), and a years supply of botox and you can make a realistic 3-D selfportrait!

Look, I'm gonna have to come back to this one, but I can do it I swear...

An air compressor, a summer dress, a very amenable girlfriend is all you need to make The Headless, Hairy-Chested, Upside-Down Woman Costume.

Yes! Now i've got the hang of it!

4,000 gerbils, 200 tubes of crazy glue, and 4,000 strike anywhere matches and you've got yourself a miniature replica of a Grateful Dead concert audience.

A monster truck, an unhappy woman ignoring you, and a loud obnoxious voice are all perfect ways of announcing to the world, unequivocally, that you have a small penis.

Wearing a pair of dark sunglasses, driving an Oldsmobile, while hanging a walking stick out the window and tapping the ground, with a seeing eye dog sitting shotgun with his paws glued to his eyes. will get other drivers to yield the right of way every time.

A 3 inch piece of wire, a stick of gum, and an invalid credit card is all you need to make people think your about to do what McGyver would do.

A bag of Purina Cat Chow, a trench coat, and a pair of pant legs and you'll be the worlds first flashing pet-o-phile.

A box of chalk, a pair of sneakers, and an intergalactic transporter are all you need to play hopscotch with aliens from another galaxy.

A cigarette lighter, a battery powered DVD player, and a time machine are all you need to rule the world...for a while.

I don't know what's wrong with me?




Kat


The basics...
I'm 24 years old. I'm happily married. I don't have children. I have good friends. I'm close to my family. I don't/can't work because of health problems.

Lately I have had trouble going to sleep, like I will be really tired and go to bed and just lay there and my mind won't stop. I will think of things I need to do or things I forgot to do or sometimes even just random things that don't matter. I've tried writing those things down hoping getting them out will help but they don't. I have to pretty much be at the point where my eyes won't stay open to go to bed. When I do fall asleep, I sleep too long. Like 12-15 hours. I set alarms and don't remember them going off. I'm always tired.

On top of that when I'm alone, I feel sad and weird. I feel very isolated and depressed. The only time I'm really happy is when I'm home with my husband. I never want to go anywhere and sometimes I don't even want to get dressed.

My mind is always a lot more active than my body, I hate the house being dirty but when I try to clean I hurt. My back always hurts and it hurts to be on my feet too much or bend too much. I have a lot of medical issues that involve joint and muscle problems. I sit here day after day wanting to be able to clean and organize my house and when I try, I can't. I want to be able to make money and help with bills and things but I can't.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I need to see a lot of different doctors which I'm aware of but I wanted to know if anyone else feels this way? or if anyone knows what's wrong with me?

Please, don't tell me that I'm lazy. It has nothing to do with that and people try to give me that s**t all the time. Lazy people don't WANT to do anything. I just can't. Sometimes I try to force myself to be active and then pay for it for days. Like last week I cleaned the whole house and made a nice dinner and I felt like I was hit by a train ever since then.

I know this is in the wrong section but I asked it before in the right one and didn't get many answers. Please don't give me crap for that.
Welsh-I've actually wondered that myself, I don't take offense. I want to know what people think the problem might be.



Answer
Dearest ,

You should be sure that you're not alone in this , there are so many people all over the world that have the same problems in common .

All you need to do is taking some time to rest your mind and make it up ; You're probably feeling werid because you don't really know what your goals are .

Take a shower , lay on your bed , bring a piece of paper and write down these questions :

# what really makes me happy ?
# what should I do when I feel lonely ?
# how to escape the bad moods ?

Take your time , answer these questions very carefully .

As for the "loneliness" , that's really normal .. and its okay to feel that way , actually when you feel alone , it's a hint that you are ALIVE , and this feelings will not last forever , it will pass honey , the future is going to amaze you , because you'll never know what is hidden for you .

I understand that you want to clean and such , I suggest that you call any cleaning services and let them come over your house once a week or something , if you dont have money , ask your family's help (sisters , mother .. etc ) , and if you can't do that as well , I suggest you start cleaing step by step .. don't do everyone in one shot , just step by step and you will be amazed from the results .

Remember that there's absolutely nothing wrong with you , you are just human-being that gets happy , sad , angry and scared sometimes .. it is human nature honey .. you dont have to worry about it .

Pray for God.. he is the answer of all that has been and all that will be , I'm sure you'll make it through .. you seem to be a very strong and successful wife and woman .




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